Part of Erotic Integrity is exploring where you are on the Kinsey scale. This is what my friend Tom did recently. I don’t usually do guest posts, but here is what he had to say about it:
Zero to Six, where are you on the Kinsey Scale?
I had never given my own sexual identity much thought. I’m heterosexual, end of discussion. I fall into the most common category of sexual identity. In fact, about 97% of the human population consider themselves heterosexual. But wait a minute. What about the times when I was a kid and I had an obsession with my butt. I put a lot of objects up my butt between the ages of 13 and 17. Does that mean something? And there was the time on the beach that I was being watched by another guy. I liked the attention. Does that mean I’m…? No, I can’t be. I’m happily married and have 3 kids.
Fast-forward 5 years and the “happily married” thing is not so true anymore. My mind starts to wander and I fantasize about other sexual situations. I’m getting more and more curious about men. I make a new friend from another state through an on-line help group while trying to find answers to my troubled marriage. It turns out he is gay. No problem. He is very insightful and one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. We talk about some very personal issues in our lives and as the weeks go by we grow closer as friends.
Then, one day, he reveals his attraction to me! My heart starts to pound, adrenaline is coursing through my veins. My head is spinning. My endorphins are, well, endorphinning. I’m attracted to him too. I am completely overwhelmed with emotions. I have not felt this way in 20 years of marriage. What does this mean? Then, our discussion turns sexual.
I absolutely love it. I find myself wanting to be with him. I feel more myself than I ever have before. I don’t need to hide my thoughts or my true feelings. I don’t need to pretend or cover up who I really am. Wonderful thoughts are racing through my head. Is this really me?
I have to find out. I have to pursue this new feeling and this desire to be with another man but he lives in another state and COVID has restricted travel.
I am determined to meet someone local and find out what I want.
I meet a new guy on a casual walk around the lake. We have a great discussion about everything from life, marriage and kids to the different degrees of homosexuality. We agree to meet for drinks and the next thing I know, I’m in the heat of a homosexual experience… and I love it.
Ok, so now what? What does this mean? Am I homosexual? Do I need a new wardrobe? Does one homosexual experience mean I’m now gay?
I don’t think so. I’m still very attracted to women. But I enjoyed sex with a man. I’d better meet up with him again to be sure.
Maybe I’d better meet up with him again.
Still great but I don’t know if this is really me and the lifestyle I want to lead. I’m not gay. I don’t feel gay. What am I? What should I do?
So, I do what most warm-blooded American’s do… I go on the internet.
In the late 1940’s, Alfred Kinsey published the Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating scale. It is a way to determine one’s sexual orientation based on a scale from 0-6; exclusively heterosexuals being a zero and exclusively homosexuals being a six.
It is pretty clear where the zeros and six’s stand, it’s the 1-5ers that really interest me, mainly, because I fall somewhere in the middle.
There are many degrees of bisexuality. According to the article, “Invisible Majority: The Disparities Facing Bisexual People and How to Remedy Them” released by The Movement Advancement Project (MAP) in 2016, “Bisexual people comprise about half (52%) of LGB people in the United States. Research also finds that a substantial percentage of Americans experience attraction to or have had sexual contact with individuals of more than one gender, even if they don’t identify as bisexual”.
How about you? On the Kinsey scale of zero to six, where do you stand? Are thoughts of being with another man intriguing or do you feel your lunch coming up? Are you curious about being with another woman? Would you take the opportunity if it came along?
There are no wrong answers. That is the beauty of life. I have finally discovered the freedom of being my true self.
Developing this understanding didn’t come without strife and inner-turmoil, though. I was able to speak openly with my sex therapist and after several months I was able to come to terms with who I was. The guidance she provided and finally being able to accept who I am alleviated the stress that had overtaken me. I don’t have to pretend that I am heterosexual and make odd comments to try to convince my male friends that I’m more heterosexual than the next guy (that’s a thing). I’m bisexual and there is nothing wrong with that.
And, in case you were wondering, I think I’m a 2.