These days, there is a lot more attention paid to children being diagnosed with Asperger, which is an aspect of Autism Spectrum Disorder. Sometimes, when a child is diagnosed, a suspicion dawns on a parent that they might have Asperger (ASD) traits also. Their suspicions can be alleviated or confirmed via online tests, but their relationship challenges remain. If you think you or your mate may have Asperger traits, I’d like to help.
In my Clinical Sexology practice I often find myself helping adults who have never been diagnosed to identify traits in themselves that have caused sexual and relationship difficulties. They have what I call “Asperger flavors”, that is, they have quirky traits – not enough to warrant a diagnosis, but enough to cause them to struggle with sex and relationships on a recurring basis.
Many undiagnosed adults have slipped through the cracks, their quirks never garnering enough attention for their difficulties to be addressed.
In my practice, when an unsuspecting Aspy flavored person contacts me, it’s usually because their partner is complaining of:
- Feeling emotionally neglected by them
- Their lack of interest in sex
- Their lack of compassion.
How Do You Know If You or Your Partner is “Aspy Flavored”?
Here is a partial list of traits that many Aspy folks exhibit:
- High intelligence
- Lack of empathy
- An affinity for mathematics, geometry, order
- Being accused of making inappropriate comments
- Needing a lot of time to themselves
- Not really liking to be touched or hugged much
- Sexual hyper or hypo-sensitivity…
The Silver Lining
Aspy folks also have wonderful qualities. They tend to:
- Not lie/be manipulative or deceitful
- Tell the truth
- Be very loyal
- Stay in relationships long term
- Not take things personally as much as the rest of us do
- They also are often dismayed that others don’t trust their intention.
I think of being Aspy flavored as being color blind: you have to work with it. It has to do with how someone’s brain is put together. Nobody is broken. Once you know what your specific quirks are, with Asperger Relationship and Sex therapy, you and your mate can learn to work with them, so that you can have a happier relationship and better sex.
The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch
anything said or written by John Elder Robison
Songs of the Gorilla Nation by Dawn Prince-Hughes
Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin
I offer sex therapy services to people in Marin County and the San Francisco Bay Area from my San Rafael office, as well as by phone or Skype.
If you or someone you love is having relationship difficulties that you suspect by the influenced by “Aspy flavors”, I’d love to help. Contact me.