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Bad Habits That Have No Place in a Healthy Relationship

Making Each Other Wrong

While being ‘right’ in an argument might make you feel better in the heated moment, it won’t actually matter in a few weeks, months, or years. That’s why relationship experts warn against convincing your S.O. that he or she is wrong in a fight. “Every communication has the power to bring people closer to you or push them away, and when people are made wrong they have two choices: defend or retreat. Neither will bring them closer to you,” explains Claudia Six, Ph.D., a relationship coach. “You can convey your point or make a request without making them wrong.”

Using Accusatory Words

Dr. Six warns against using language starting with “you always” or “you never,” as all they do is add fuel to an already escalating fire. “This leads the other person to draw up their defense and maybe add a complaint of their own,” she says. “Rather than, ‘You always leave the toilet seat up! You’re so inconsiderate!’ try, ‘It would really help me out if you’d put the toilet seat down. Can you do that for me?'”

Waiting for Your Partner to Make the First Move

Initiating sex should be a two-way street, says Dr. Six. Being a passive victim and blaming your significant other for not being more romantic is the wrong move. “It could be a very long and miserable wait for both of you,” she explains. “If you make it happen, your lover will feel desired, and will then be much more likely to reciprocate, and confident that you’ll receive them. And everyone’s happy.”

Turning to Alcohol When You’re Upset

If your gut reaction after a quarrel is to pour yourself a glass of wine or a shot of whiskey, you may want to rethink your priorities. “Numbing out because something isn’t working for you or you’re anxious is a cop out,” says Dr. Six. “Open your mouth to talk about what is troubling you instead of opening it to ingest an anesthetic.” Instead of avoiding the issues in your relationship, she recommends sitting down to talk. If you’re having trouble doing that, consider speaking to a couples counselor who can help you address the issues in your partnership.

Read full article in Martha Stewart Weddings

Roadblocks Holding You Back from the Best Sex of Your Life

Expecting your partner to read your mind

If you want your partner to do something or stop doing something, the best way to see that this happens is to tell them. “Persisting in wanting your partner to read your mind is a set-up,” warns Claudia Six, Ph.D., clinical sexologist and relationship coach. “You have to open your mouth, be vulnerable and speak to your lover. Vulnerability is part of what makes sex good.”

Being a perfectionist

You might be type A in your regular life, but during sex, it’s best that you let loose and go with the flow. “Being attached to things happening a certain way—having it like on your first night together (although that doesn’t always go so smoothly) or on your wedding night—is a sure way to prevent it from being perfect,” says Dr. Six. “The best sex, just like a lot of things in life, happens when you’re open and go with whatever is happening in the moment.”

Certain medications

There is a plethora of medications and substances out there that can cause sexual dysfunction, from antidepressants to amphetamines—even alcohol and marijuana. Additionally, some birth control varieties can cause your libido to plummet. “If you or your partner is on a medication that reduces your libido or makes it very difficult for you to orgasm, talk to your doctor about switching to one that doesn’t impact your sex life negatively,” says Dr. Six.

read full article in WeddingWire

Things You Should Never Do Before Sex

Take an antihistamine

Allergy season is tough, and, for some, can feel like it’s year round. While you might be reliant on your allergy meds, experts recommend avoiding popping antihistamines of any kind before sex. “They dry everything out, including your lady parts,” says Claudia Six, PhD, clinical sexologist and relationship coach. You’ll want to be fully lubricated for a full romp session, however, Dr. Six points out that you don’t want to be sneezing and tearing up the whole time either. She recommends taking half an allergy pill, if you must, a few hours before you think you might have sex.

read full article on Glam.com

Why It’s OK Not To Masturbate If You Don’t Want To

I contributed to this article last December, but since May is National Masturbation Month, I saved it for now:

“When it comes to sex, there are no shoulds, beyond the basics: safe sex, consent, not doing harm,” clinical sexologist and relationship coach Claudia Six, PhD, author of Erotic Integrity: How To Be True To Yourself Sexually, tells Bustle. “So if you don’t want to masturbate, nobody in the world can pressure, shame, coerce you to do so. Period. And there is such a thing as Basic Sexual Rights, which state that ‘the human rights of women include their right to have control over and decide freely and responsibly on matters related to their sexuality, including sexual and reproductive health, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.’ That includes not doing anything you don’t want to do, regardless of what others may think.”

Read full article in Bustle

Is Sneezing Really Like Having A Mini Orgasm?

People are tempted to compare sneezing and orgasm because both are a brief release. I think the similarity ends there.

The main difference is that, while many people think you have to do both with your eyes closed, you can orgasm with your eyes open (and I highly recommend it for increasing eroticism and intimacy) but you cannot sneeze with your eyes open. It’s allergy season; try it!

see article in Refinery 29

Things You Do and Don’t Need to Know About Your Partner While Dating

You Should Know:

If he’s on good terms with his exes.

This is certainly not a conversation you’re likely itching to bring up, but understanding the basics of what went down in his past relationships—especially how they ended—can teach you a lot about him. “If your partner is friends with his exes, it shows he’s skilled in conflict resolution, which is a nice feature in a partner,” explains Claudia Six, Ph.D., a relationship coach. “If he has loose ends with past lovers, of the kind that might have him running back to the ex and leaving you feeling rejected, this is something you should know as well.”

If you have a connection.

As Dr. Six points out, it’s important to find a partner you connect with on more than just an emotional level (although that’s important, too). This might be a topic that unravels naturally—i.e. physically—but it may require some digging around and even straight-up inquiring. “This is a topic to be broached gently. Not too soon, but not too late,” she says.