Unconditional love, or Personality vs the person Personality is the assemblage of defense mechanism, sometimes armor, that we develop early in life as a result of intolerable emotional pain. It’s a way that we disconnect from our authenticity. These defense mechanisms become a personality structure, sometimes diagnosable via a label from the DSM (Diagnostic & Read More
Should I stay or should I leave?
In the 30 yrs since I became a sex therapist I have seen frustrated, sad, confused people who lie in bed at night next to a mate they feel estranged from, not knowing how to bridge the gap. They want to reconnect but are at a loss for how to do so. And then they Read More
Desire vs Arousal
I know you may have heard me, either in my office, on the radio, or in my writings, mention the difference between desire vs arousal. But it bears repeating. Here is my brief video description of the difference. I try to offer this lens as a more compassionate approach. People often come in to sex Read More
Have More Sex Please
Sex is good. Sex is healthy. Sex is an essential part of our social fabric. And you — specifically — should probably be having more of it. Americans, in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, are not having enough sex. Across almost every demographic group, American adults old and young, single and coupled, rich and poor are Read More
Zero to Six, where are you on the Kinsey Scale?
Part of Erotic Integrity is exploring where you are on the Kinsey scale. This is what my friend Tom did recently. I don’t usually do guest posts, but here is what he had to say about it: Zero to Six, where are you on the Kinsey Scale? I had never given my own sexual identity Read More
Top 5 Questions People Ask Their Sex Therapist
Be a fly on the wall and hear what every sex therapist (at least this one) gets asked A LOT. I was recently interviewed by Josephine McNary at Cal Psychiatry. Top 5 questions people ask their sex therapist