“It all comes down to the fact that we want to be desired,” says Claudia Six, Ph.D., sexologist, relationship coach and author of Erotic Integrity: How to Be True to Yourself Sexually. And that’s totally natural and integral to a healthy, satisfying sex life, says Six. (…)
“Be crystal clear about how rough you want your hair pulled or how hard and frequently you want to be spanked,” says Six. He wants to provide pleasure for you—so your job is to tell him how, says Six. Talk about the parts of rough sex that appeal to you, like being overpowered or having someone do forbidden things to you that you can’t prevent. And don’t forget to discuss whether you should play rough back or remain subservient.