Expecting your partner to read your mind
If you want your partner to do something or stop doing something, the best way to see that this happens is to tell them. “Persisting in wanting your partner to read your mind is a set-up,” warns Claudia Six, Ph.D., clinical sexologist and relationship coach. “You have to open your mouth, be vulnerable and speak to your lover. Vulnerability is part of what makes sex good.”
Being a perfectionist
You might be type A in your regular life, but during sex, it’s best that you let loose and go with the flow. “Being attached to things happening a certain way—having it like on your first night together (although that doesn’t always go so smoothly) or on your wedding night—is a sure way to prevent it from being perfect,” says Dr. Six. “The best sex, just like a lot of things in life, happens when you’re open and go with whatever is happening in the moment.”
There is a plethora of medications and substances out there that can cause sexual dysfunction, from antidepressants to amphetamines—even alcohol and marijuana. Additionally, some birth control varieties can cause your libido to plummet. “If you or your partner is on a medication that reduces your libido or makes it very difficult for you to orgasm, talk to your doctor about switching to one that doesn’t impact your sex life negatively,” says Dr. Six.