Dr Claudia Six

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Journalists and bloggers consult Dr. Claudia Six about sex, relationships, and erotic integrity. Want to interview Dr. Six for your publication? Download her one-sheet here.
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10 Reasons You Never Want to Have Sex

You have Hollywood expectations
Those sex scenes you see in movies—the spontaneous, rip-your-shirt-off, do-it-on-the-kitchen-table kind of sex—are not always realistic. “Movies (and porn) are entertainment, not how-to educational videos,” says Dr. Six. Instead of comparing your romp sessions with Fifty Shades of Grey, focus on the unexpected with your partner—being vulnerable and spontaneous is the key to great sex.

You’re too comfortable
It’s great that you and your partner are open with each other about everything from your deepest fears to your bathroom sagas. But sometimes being too comfortable means being complacent. “Sex can quickly become a rarity when you lounge around in your schlumpy sweats,” says Dr. Six. “This is fine as long as you don’t take the fact that your partner is a living, breathing, sexual creature for granted.” In other words, be comfortable, but don’t let it interfere with your desire to get down.

Your place is a mess
Who knew you had to be Mr. Clean to get down and dirty? But humans are stimulated by cleanliness—even if we can’t maintain it. “Who wants to get it on when the cat litter box is overflowing and the bed is cluttered with papers?” says Claudia Six, Ph.D., sexologist and author of Erotic Integrity: How to Be True to Your Sexuality. “You don’t have to be Martha Stewart—just create a harmonious environment. Hire a personal organizer or a housecleaner if you need to.”

There’s tension in your relationship
Even if the fact that he leaves his clothes lying on the bedroom floor pisses you off to no end, try not to let tension build up. “Tension is the death of sex,” says Dr. Six. “I see it all the time in my office. You have to address the resentments, resolve the conflicts, apologize sincerely and learn to communicate more effectively.” Even if the conversation seems difficult and risky, being more open may fuel the action in the bedroom.

You’re depressed
Depression sucks the energy out of you, including your sexual appetite—then add antidepressants to the mix, which often have a deleterious effect on libido and ability to orgasm. “Address the cause of the depression, through medication and counseling, and make lifestyle or career changes to alleviate it,” Dr. Six advises. “You can get beyond it and thrive sexually.”

Kids—enough said
Your beautiful children might be the result of sex, but they can also be the death of your sex life. “Many women are afraid of being heard by the kids and refuse to have sex if there’s a child, of any age, in the building,” says Dr. Six. “Mommies and daddies have sex. Quit whining and get on with it!”

read full article in PureWow

10 Things to Do Immediately When You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating

Get some exercise

The fastest way to calm the mind is to move your body. “Exercise will help calm you down and support you in moving through strong emotions,” Claudia Six, Ph.D., sexologist, relationship coach and author of Erotic Integrity. And physical exercise can help release cortisol, the stress-producing hormone, and release endorphins, your body’s feel-good hormones.

Own your mistakes

“This may require the assistance of a couples therapist or clinical sexologist, but it’s important that you look at the part you played, conscious or not,” Six said. “This will help set you up for success in your next relationship.” Did you make you make your partner feel wrong a lot? Did you withhold sex? It’s much more empowering to know and own up to your part rather than just focusing on the fact this happened to you.

“While it’s quite possible you did nothing to encourage your partner to cheat on you, you want to figure this out from an unbiased opinion, not from a friend who’s only saying things to make you feel better,” she added.

Read full article in cheatsheet.com

16 Sex Tricks Every Woman Should Try Before Her 40th Birthday

Watch yourself masturbate

Masturbating in front of a mirror will help you feel more confident during sex, since you’ll see what your partner sees—which is pretty freaking hot, says Claudia Six, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist, relationship coach, and author. So get down with yourself where you can see your whole body. “Watch how your body moves in response to your touch. Watch your face as you get aroused and orgasm. Own it!” says Six.

Orgasm with your eyes open

Looking into your partner’s eyes mid-orgasm can help the two of your feel more connected and erotic, says Six.

Read full Women’s Health article

7 Things You Should Stop Fighting About Now

Apart from the perpetual argument about taking out the garbage, what else should you just stop fighting about, right now!? Jenn Sinrich of Women’s Health interviewed Dr SIX:

Doing the Laundry

The best way to squash this argument before it even starts is to enforce the rule that everyone washes their own clothes. This way you can’t criticize your partner. “So many of my patients come into my office complaining that one person does it all the time,” says Claudia Six, Ph.D., relationship coach and author of Erotic Integrity: How to Be True to Yourself Sexually. “But the solution is really simple—everyone has their own laundry basket and is responsible for washing their own clothes.” If you’re feeling generous and want to do your spouse’s wash, great, but picking a fight about the nitty-gritty details involved in it is not worth either of your time.

Who’s Hogging The Covers

Aaah, the battle of the blankets—one person accuses the other of stealing the covers leaving them cold, while the other accuses them of shoveling the covers onto them so they’re too hot. “Unless you install a camera and have eight hours to watch it, you’ll likely never know who’s to blame,” says Six. Be grateful that you have someone you love in your bed or sleep somewhere else, she says.

Read full article

How to Spice up the Bedroom: Dr SIX in Medical Daily

“The macrocosm reflects the microcosm” :  A clear space will promote a clear state of mind. A dirty, cluttered bedroom will only invite chaos and uncertainty into the bedroom. Claudia Six, Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Coach, author of the book Erotic Integrity: How To Be True To Yourself Sexually, says “The macrocosm reflects the microcosm.” In other words, a clear, uncluttered mind helps to set the mood, especially for women.

“If a woman is noticing all that needs to be tidied up, she will not be present for sex. And it’s impossible to get aroused if you’re in your head and not in your body,” Six told Medical Daily.

Make the bed the focal point: The way the bed’s placed in the room can help promote healthy, sexual energy. If the bed is featured prominently in a well-decorated room, that can be inviting, says Six. Or, if the bed is cozy in a small room, that can be appealing too.

However, for exhibitionists, Six suggests, “have the bed in front of the window with open drapes, to increase the chances of some passerby seeing you, adding to your thrill,” she said.

Avoid politics: The bedroom is a place of creativity and freedom of expression. However, something that is controversial or political can shift the energy from sexual to aggressive — not in a good way. Six says, “Conflict creates distance, not romance.” In the case of politics, it’s cerebral, and sex is primarily physical — this makes us be more in our head than our body.

Read full article

Pacific Sun: A Q & A on love and sex

See how a sexological bodyworker and I have similar answers to the same questions, despite having slightly different professions. My work is more insight oriented , hers is more hands-on. Read full Pacific Sun article

What’s the biggest difference between men and women when it comes to sex in a monogamous relationship? 

Dr. Claudia Six: “There’s a saying: ‘Women need to feel good to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel good.’ That’s a big difference that can cause friction and distance between a heterosexual couple who may not be on the same page. A lot of my work with clients is to help them breach that divide.”

How does one really, truly deal with the boredom of monogamy?  

Dr. Six: “I don’t think there’s any such thing as sexual boredom, and I devote a whole chapter of my book to this. Boredom is the canary in the coal mine of relationships: It’s an indication that something is wrong. People tend to experience ‘boredom’ when uncomfortable feelings are bubbling up to the surface, when they have been complacent, when they don’t want to take a risk and be vulnerable and bring up what is true for them. So they stuff it, play it safe, brush it under the carpet, but it festers and erodes eroticism in a relationship.”

What’s your strongest advice to couples who want to try an ‘open relationship,’ experimenting with other people? Does it ever work?  

Dr. Six: “Most people who engage in non-monogamy, open relationship, polyamory, whatever term you want to use, are misguided. That is, they’re doing it out of emptiness rather than fullness. They don’t know how to create more of what they want in their primary relationship, so it’s easier to do the fun, sexy stuff with a shiny new partner than roll up your sleeves and clean up your relationship with the partner you take the garbage out with. To successfully do open relationships you need to have a lot of agreements about things.”

Many people complain about the mechanical, un-intimate pattern of online dating. Is there a way to break the mold and get to better, deeper ‘first dates’ in this new reality?  

Dr. Six: “If you keep it superficial on the first couple of dates, the other person has every reason to believe that this is the level of communication you will maintain, which can be pretty uninspiring. You set the tone. If you interact on a level that is authentic and has some depth, you might find it rewarding. And I recommend not spending much time with emails or phone calls. You don’t really know about a person until you sit down across from them, exchange eye contact, hear their voice and notice your experience of yourself in their presence.”

How would you describe an individual who’s fully in touch with their own sexuality?

Dr. Six: “For a start, they’re totally comfortable in their body, and seem happily settled into it, relaxed. An individual who is fully in touch with their sexuality is in erotic integrity—that is they have self-examined and truly know who they are as an erotic being. They accept their sexuality, whatever it looks like, and they express it authentically. They don’t lie or pretend to be something they’re not, and they engage their desires unabashedly.”
What role can sports, yoga and other seemingly non-sex-related practices stimulate sexuality? How does one make these everyday activities useful in a sexual sense?

Dr. Six: “Any kind of physical activity will get you out of your head. And you can’t have successful sex if you’re in your head and not in your body. So whether it’s solitary or as a couple, it will support your love life, from tai chi to skydiving. Taking dance lessons can sound romantic, though all the power and control issues pop up in that context. If you can navigate them successfully, it can lead to wonderful physical contact that can be foreplay for a sexier event, for years to come.”

Finally, any tips and tricks to keep a healthy, loving marriage sexy and playful?

Dr. Six: “Have dates! I know it seems like couples therapy 101, but it’s true: You can’t maintain a relationship without regular and consistent dates, especially if you have kids! Pay attention, appreciate each other and say so. It doesn’t sound sexy, but it’s the foundation to a solid couple, and sexy and playful grows from that.”

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