1. Sessions are more about feelings than sex positions. “Clinical sexology” might sound like I know every sex position under the sun, but what I do is actually pretty similar to couples’ therapy. In my practice, sessions are rarely about how to have more orgasms, or how to last longer in bed, or techniques to have better sex, though some sexologists might touch on those topics regularly. What I do is more like traditional talk therapy, except we’re talking about sex and relationships. You have to know the fundamentals of psychology and counseling in addition to knowing about sexuality. If you want to do hands-on work, become a sex surrogate or a dominatrix. Being a clinical sexologist is all talk, no action.
2. People will assume you’re a sex freak. Call it an occupational hazard, but when you have a PhD in clinical sexuality, people make assumptions about your sex life. When I was single, this came up all the time — men assumed I had no boundaries, that I was totally uninhibited, or that I did it all the time. In some ways, it actually makes my dating life easier, because the people who are intimidated self select out very quickly.
3. Potential clients may try to use you for phone sex. Let’s get real: as a sexologist, you encounter clients who don’t quite understand the boundaries of your role. Some have inappropriate fantasies. With experience I’ve learned to kindly but unequivocally shut those down real quickly.
4. Education and Certification Are Non-Negotiable. I’ve got a PhD in clinical sexology, but before that, I earned my master’s in counseling psychology. These credentials aren’t just for show. I wanted to learn how to do therapy before learning everything there is to know about sex, and then some. I put in the work to become an expert. It’s a tremendous responsibility when people are vulnerable and want to transform their lives. They often tell me things they’ve never told anyone. It’s a privilege to hold that space for them.
5. Navigating Stigma Is Part of the Job. Sexology is still a field that carries some stigma, even in today’s more open society. People might laugh, judge, or just plain misunderstand what I do. But here’s the thing: part of being a sexologist is educating the public and helping to normalize conversations about sex. I’ve had to do this with family, friends, and even more so in professional settings. By being comfortable talking about my work, I set the tone that it’s ok to talk about such things. And honestly, it’s kinda fun to watch people squirm a little and then relax.
The photo is of me 30 years ago, when I started my career.
6. Confidentiality is Sacred. Confidentiality is of paramount importance—it’s the foundation of trust in this profession. People come to me with their most intimate secrets, their deepest fears, and their most vulnerable moments. They need to know that what they share stays between us. I take this responsibility very seriously. Every session is confidential, and I make sure clients understand the limits of that confidentiality upfront (danger to self or others…). Without trust, therapy doesn’t work. Kinda like sex. It isn’t just a legal requirement; it’s an ethical one.
8. Emotional Resilience Keeps You Going. Let’s talk about burnout—because it’s real, especially in this line of work. Therapists deal with heavy stuff: infidelity, trauma, human pain, sexual dysfunctions, you name it. If you’re not careful, it can weigh on you emotionally. I, however, have never had a problem with that. I love my work so much that at the end of a day I have never felt burned out. Awed by the degree of human suffering sometimes. It’s not all about fun and orgasms. I’ve always had a consistent self-care practice: I exercise daily, rigorously. I also have hobbies and interests outside of work that keep me grounded. Developing emotional resilience isn’t just about surviving; it’s about thriving in this field. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to help anyone else. My work-life balance has never been an issue. Maybe it’s the French attitude: everything in moderation.
10. It’s Been a Great Outlet for My Propensity to Grow. I have a hunger for growth and personal development. And in this line of work it means I walk the walk and talk the talk. I regularly challenge myself. Learning to skydive when I turned 50 was an exercise in conquering fear, watching my brain want to go in one direction and pushing it in another. I’ve presented at two TEDx events and written a book titled Erotic Integrity, about self examination, self acceptance and authentic self actualization. And then I had to learn public speaking, overcome more fears, and promote the book. I regularly, several times a year, challenge myself. Because I know the value of taking myself on because I want more. And I want more for my clients, too.
