“It takes half as long as the relationship lasted, to get over it after the breakup.”
In other words, if you were together four years, it’ll take you two years to fully recover. People don’t like to hear this, but Claudia Six, Ph.D., clinical sexologist and relationship coach, says it’s true. “You may lick your wounds for a bit, get back into online dating, go on dates and may even have sex with someone, but deep down you’ll be comparing them to the old love, for better or worse,” she says. “And on special occasions (birthday, special anniversaries, Valentine’s Day) you’ll be sad and pining a little…for half as long as the relationship lasted. Then you’ll be fine.”
“Women grieve and men replace, after a breakup.”
According to Dr. Six, this one is so true. “Women tend to take the time to grieve, try to learn from the experience, spend some time with girlfriends and re-focusing on themselves, before getting into the next relationship, while men tend to bounce into the next relationship pretty quickly,” she says. “It’s not good or bad, it’s just a different way of moving on after a relationship ends.”
“You can slow a man down but you cannot speed him up”
This one is an original by Dr. Six, borne of personal experience. And she claims it is never more true than when it pertains to big decisions, like getting married or having a child. “A man will be ready when he’s ready—until then, he’s not,” she says. “If you don’t want to wait that long, that’s certainly your call, but there’s no point in trying to speed him up.”
“Mettre de l’eau dans son vin”
This popular French saying pertains to marriage, and translates to “put water in your wine.” “While it’s meant to allude that you put water in his wine to dilute it and decrease deleterious effects, it also means to compromise, make concessions and be reasonable, to avoid unpleasant consequences if one doesn’t,” says Dr. Six. “In other words, to tone down any aggressive feelings in order to achieve better results and more harmony.”
Originally published in Datezie.
