Dr Claudia Six

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Why You Shouldn’t Let the Holidays Pressure You Into a Proposal

 

“The holiday season, as well as Valentine’s Day, are a popular time for proposals because people get swept up in the anticipation of the festivities, and because guys have to come up with a gift,” says Claudia Six, PhD, clinical sexologist and relationship coach. What better gift than an engagement ring, right? Not so fast. Just because snow is falling and your family is likely to pester you with questions when you see them in a few weeks is no reason to rush into a proposal. Here’s why.

The holiday season already comes with enough pressure.

Think of all the responsibilities and commitments you already have during the season—between work outings, holiday gatherings with friends, and family obligations, you’re already so busy. This is not a great environment for an unsure proposal, Dr. Six points out. “A person might feel pressured to accept a proposal in front of their family, or so that she or he can announce it to the family while they’re all gathered.” It’s better to propose at a time when the two of you can focus on your relationship. “Give the proposal the attention and time it needs,” says Dr. Six. “It’s a precious moment between two people, not a group event. The couple can cherish it privately and bask in the glow before going public with it.”

The anniversary of your proposal will be wrapped up in the holidays.

Not everyone considers the anniversary of the day they got engaged to be something worth celebrating, but if it’s important to you, remember that each year it will be all about the holidays—not the two of you. “Separate cherished moments in the development of your romance,” suggests Dr. Six.

Read full article in Martha Stewart Weddings

Your Ultimate Guide to Meeting Your Partner’s Extended Family Over the Holidays

Get the 411.

Ask your partner to give you the rundown on the family at least a few days before you show up at the front door. Start with ironing down everyone’s name. “Chances are, the family will only have one name to remember: yours,” says Claudia Six, Ph.D., clinical sexologist and relationship coach. You, on the other hand, will have many names to remember. For this reason, Dr. Six suggests starting before you get there. Get briefed on names and maybe quirky traits about them, to help you memorize who is who.

Bring a gift or a dish.

This likely won’t be something you’ll have to do each and every time, but Dr. Six points out that bringing something for the host is a nice gesture when you’re meeting them for the first time. “Bake or make a simple dish that shows off your culinary skills without stepping on anyone’s toes—an appetizer or a dessert,” she suggests. “These give you something to do when you get there, and make the house smell good.” If you do decide to provide a dish, try finding out ahead of time whether or not anyone has allergies and aversions.

Look for an opportunity to engage in one-on-one convos.

It can be tricky to score some alone time with his family members when you’re at a large gathering, but try to work in conversations with each person or a few small groups of people. “This helps the family get a better sense of you, and you of them,” Dr. Six says. “This will also demonstrate that you’re not shy, can hold your own without your beloved by your side, and are willing to pitch in and be a team player, not a diva who won’t get her hands dirty.”

Find a common ground.

As topics arise, don’t hesitate to talk about yourself. Of course, you’ll want the conversation to feel balanced, but feel free to talk about things you might have in common. “For example, if his mom says she loves Zumba, feel free to chime in and tell her about your own love of dance,” says Dr. Six. “And if his father mentions he loves antique furniture, feel free to let him know your father shares a similar interest.”

Pay attention to yourself in their presence.

Experts agree that this one might be the most important. While your partner’s family may be trying you on, so to speak, you are doing the same with them. Questions Dr. Six recommends asking yourself during and after the holiday event are: Do you feel welcomed, judged, insecure, accepted, not listened to? Are they loud and boisterous while you are quiet and reserved? Are they materialistic and superficial while you have a meditation practice and donate to help others? Are they nosy and gossipy while you are respectful and private? Are they good people despite all that? “This will be information about them for you to be mindful of,” she adds. “You don’t need to change them, just accept them.”

Read full article in Martha Stewart Weddings

5 Sex Positions That Give You (or Your Partner) Easy Access to Your Clitoris

If you have a difficult time reaching orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone, it’s nothing you or your partner should feel bad about. In fact, it’s totally normal. “People are still buying into this myth that orgasms through penetration are better in some way,” says San Francisco–area sexologist and relationship coach Claudia Six, PhD, author of Erotic Integrity: How to Be True to Yourself Sexually. “But the truth is that intercourse is not designed to trigger orgasms or produce significant stimulation for women.”

That’s why “99.99% of women” need attention paid to their clitoris—the nerve-dense organ with an extremely sensitive head nestled between the labia—in order to climax, says Six. There’s only one problem: Not all sex positions trigger a lot of clitoral stimulation on their own, or make it easy for either partner to provide hands-on help.

Luckily, the following moves really do hit the spot, and adding them to your repertoire can make sex more orgasmic for all parties involved. “The clitoris is the only body part designed purely for pleasure,” says Six, “so I say make the most of it!”

Tabletop

Sit on the edge of the bed and lie back, then have your partner stand between your legs, facing you; he can hold your legs or prop them on his shoulders. “This position is great because you can make eye contact with each other, and there are two to four hands available—yours and possibly his—to stimulate the clitoris without interfering with anything else going on,” says Six. “It’s also great for people who are older, overweight, or injured, since everyone is supporting their own weight.

Tabletop is also a perfect position for using a vibrator during sex, if you want a little extra clitoral stimulation. “In some other positions, you can really only use a small vibrator or none at all,” Six says. “But in tabletop, even if you want to pull out your full-size Magic wand, there’s room for it.”

Hands-on spooning

Six also recommends having your partner enter you from behind while spooning you. “It’s another position where there’s plenty of access to the clitoris, where either you can reach down or your partner can reach around,” she says. Bend your top leg and open your legs to allow for more manual stimulation. It may also feel good to squeeze your legs together while he’s inside you.

Read Health.com article

What Are Signs You’re You’re Not Being Yourself During Sex?

You’re Having Sex When You’re Not Turned On

If you have sex simply because your partner wants to and you’re not opposed, you miss out on getting in touch with your desire. “And you get burned out,” clinical sexologist and relationship coach Claudia Six, PhD, author of Erotic Integrity: How To Be True To Yourself Sexually, tells Bustle. “Folks who are putting out more sex than they truly desire don’t get as much out of it and eventually their ardor wanes.” Plus, sex is much hotter when you want it — badly.

You’re Faking Orgasms

There are plenty of understandable reasons to fake orgasms, but it doesn’t tend to foster closeness between people. That can only come from being totally honest with each other. “Ask yourself: Are you faking because you want it to be over?” says Six. “And if so, why are you there in the first place? Because you feel inadequate? Because you don’t want your lover to feel inadequate? If you’re not into it, don’t do it!”

Sex Is Painful

You don’t owe anyone sex, so if sex is hurting you, you have the right not to do it. “No guy in his right mind wants to f*ck you if it hurts you,” says Six. “So go and see your gynecologist, your sex therapist, and have things checked out. Sex is for pleasure.”

You’re Engaging In Sexual Acts You’re Not Into

We seem to have this idea that certain sexual acts (like oral) are mandatory while others (like anal) are optional. But in reality, they’re all optional. To avoid engaging in activities just because they’re considered “normal” or you assume your partner wants to, Six recommends making a “yes/no/maybe” list with your partner to figure out what you both are truly into.

Showing the parts of yourself you normally hide in the bedroom may be scary, but it’s those scary conversations that’ll bring you and your partner closer.

full Bustle article

Things You Shouldn’t Share With Someone You’re Sleeping With

Your anxiety about the future

It’s totally normal to have occasional panics over when you’ll reach the altar or cradle a newborn of your own, but it is better to seek comfort from someone who is emotionally invested in you, like a friend or family member. “Assuming a hetero fling, guys can get twitchy about women wanting a long-term commitment when all they signed up for was ‘fun,’” explains Claudia Six, PhD, a sexologist, relationship coach, and author of Erotic Integrity. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting these things, but disclosing them to a casual lover will dampen the sexy fun you could be having.”

Your body insecurities

Also normal: having a laundry list of insecurities (we all do). But try to forget your flaws in bed. Not only is it an unsexy topic of conversation, but Dr. Six notes that talking about your cellulite or tummy rolls can also be a manipulative tactic: “It puts the other person in the position of refuting your concerns, and you’re likely not going to take in their compliments anyway,” she says. Instead, own your body. “Our sexual partners don’t care nearly as much as we do about how we look—they care about enthusiasm,” she adds.

Your grooming habits

“The only sexy thing about grooming is the result,” says Dr. Six. In other words, your hookup buddy doesn’t need to know all the dirty details of the Brazilian wax that left your nether region bare. On the other hand, if you choose not to wax or shave, you do not owe your sexual partner an explanation of why.

The number of people you’ve slept with

Unless this person is someone you see yourself getting serious with, there is no need to reveal the number of notches you’ve etched on your bedpost. “A little mystery doesn’t hurt, and keeping them guessing can boost their ardor,” says Dr. Six. It forces you to be in the present moment and enjoy it for what it is, she adds. What is important, though, is discussing your sexual health and disclosing any STIs (past or present).

Read full article in Glam.com

Living Together Before Marriage: Expectations vs. Reality

Expectation: You’ll spend so much more time together.

Reality: While this isn’t entirely untrue—after all, clocking a solid eight hours lying next to each other in bed each night counts for something!—you might envision a whole lot more date nights in your horizon. But Claudia Six, clinical sexologist, relationship coach and author, points out that this likely won’t be the case. “It’s when you live together that you might actually most need ‘me’ time, time without your beloved,” she explains. “It’s important to have things that you do for you: your own friends, your own hobbies, your own exercise routine. Otherwise you lose your sense of who you.” Remember, a good balance of work, friends, family and, of course, intimate nights that are about just the two of you, is key to a happy relationship. And, as Dr. Six notes, absence makes the heart grow fonder…

Expectation: You’ll lose your independence and freedom.

Reality: Dr. Six notes that it’s more common for men to have this fear than women, but both genders can experience a fear of losing their individuality and free time. “Freedom represents different things to different people,” she says. “It might be the option of playing pool and having a couple of beers with friends, on short notice, playing guitar in the basement until late at night, or sitting in their underwear watching TV and eating tortilla chips.” For others, it might mean reading a favorite book at night in silence, without the sound of guitar blasting friends yelling. To to find a happy medium, it’s important to continue doing the things that make you individually happy. “This way you bring your happy self home to your significant other, who hopefully is bringing their happy self home too,” says Dr. Six. “Then you can talk about your day and the things you’ve done while you were apart.”

Expectation: Your tastes in style and decor will fuse together effortlessly.

Reality: Chances are, this won’t be the case. Maybe you’ve envisioned a coral-toned, aquarium-inspired bathroom decor and he’s dead set on keeping his red shaggy bath rug and Giants logo-clad shower curtain. “What we often see happen is that she takes over because she has ‘better taste’ and ‘a woman’s touch,’ leaving him feeling disregarded and unseen, a stranger in his own home,” says Dr. Six. “It might sound sexist, but in my 25 years of couples counseling this is what I hear.” Her solution? Discuss decor ahead of time and come to an agreement about who will decorate each area of your shared home. “If he is attached to his barcalounger, you need to make room for it. And if she has a favorite dresser from her grandmother, that doesn’t match anything, you need to find a special place for it,” she explains. “In order to set yourself up for success, you need to agree on how the physical space is used and adorned.” You can also set up your wedding registry to decorate your home together—and get rid of old stuff in favor of the new.

Read full article by Jenn Sinrich in Wedding Wire

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