Couples’ Communication
In the twenty years I’ve been coaching couples, when clients call in for their initial consultation, they usually mention poor communication. They complain that their partner doesn’t know how to communicate, won’t communicate, won’t respond to their communication, has poor communication skills, has a long history of poor communication, comes from a family of poor communicators… As I listen, I’m translating. To me it’s all code for the fact that people always communicate; they just may not like the communication they’re getting. And they’re hurt, frustrated, feel stuck, hopeless, angry, scared.
How to Handle Yourself after Your Partner Has an Affair
People who have been cheated on usually want to distract themselves by speculating and perseverating about why the offender was unfaithful: fear of commitment, an overriding need for validation, thrill seeking, anxiety, sex addiction, yearning for freedom, and so on. While some of these reasons may be accurate, focusing on the other person rather than on yourself is not empowering. So what can you do after your partner has had an affair?
Relationship Maintenance – Couples Tune-up
Part of a healthy lifestyle is relationship maintenance. When something lights up on the dashboard of your car, or it makes a funny noise, you don’t wait for AAA to be towing it away to talk to your mechanic. When your teeth hurt, you don’t wait until you need a root canal to see your dentist. It’s the same with relationships. Don’t wait until you’re in pain, or worse yet, in crisis.
Initiating Sex
If sexual congress is going to take place, someone has to reach out towards the other person. There’s no way around it.
How to Talk to Men
Men have binary brains: every situation is either a win or a lose. It’s not wrong. It’s just one of the ways that men are not women. Men generally thrive on wins; they need a lot of them. It’s not at all that they’re frail creatures who need to be pumped up; it’s how they’re put together. And there’s great value in it. When a man is happy at work, feels effective, get successes, that’s a win. Each new client, each sale, each happy customer, each time his supervisor praises him, he’s a winner. It’s similar in relationships. Setting a man up to win is telling him what would make you happy, and inviting him to please you. Not demanding: inviting.
