In the twenty years I’ve been coaching couples, when clients call in for their initial consultation, they usually mention poor communication. They complain that their partner doesn’t know how to communicate, won’t communicate, won’t respond to their communication, has poor communication skills, has a long history of poor communication, comes from a family of poor communicators… As I listen, I’m translating. To me it’s all code for the fact that people always communicate; they just may not like the communication they’re getting. And they’re hurt, frustrated, feel stuck, hopeless, angry, scared.
couples
Relationship Maintenance – Couples Tune-up
Part of a healthy lifestyle is relationship maintenance. When something lights up on the dashboard of your car, or it makes a funny noise, you don’t wait for AAA to be towing it away to talk to your mechanic. When your teeth hurt, you don’t wait until you need a root canal to see your dentist. It’s the same with relationships. Don’t wait until you’re in pain, or worse yet, in crisis.
Getting our needs met
Unproductive habits include waiting for him to read our mind, making him wrong for not doing so, and punishing him for it. Some couples really have stamina and can do this for years on end. Their communication consists of bickering, unresolved fights, lobbing emotional grenades at each other because they’re not ‘getting their needs met’. Read More