A sexless marriage may work for one of you but not the other. It may not work for either of you. There are many reasons why couples can end up in this predicament (menopause, affairs – ongoing or past, health issues, anger, disappointment…). There is always a very good reason why.
More than 50% of sexless marriages end in divorce eventually. Sex therapy is much cheaper than divorce.
You don’t want to talk about it because you think everyone else is having way more sex than you, maybe you feel embarrassed. You’d be surprised.
You can read all the self help books you want, it won’t get to the underlying issues. When something lights up on the dashboard of your car, or it makes a funny noise, you don’t wait for AAA to be towing it away to talk to your mechanic. When your teeth hurt, you don’t wait until you need a root canal to see your dentist. It’s the same with relationships. Don’t wait until you’re in pain, or worse yet, in crisis. Be pro-active.
You know the saying? “Sex is only 5% of a relationship… Until you’re not having it. Then it’s 95% of the relationship”. There’s a bond that weakens gradually when couples don’t connect sexually. It leads to dissatisfaction and conflicts, possibly infidelity. Even depression and anxiety.
The relationship may be intact but you’ve lost that spark that keeps love alive.
A key to relationship maintenance is spending time together, on a regular basis. Call it datenight if you like. Call it ‘John & Mary night/day’, ‘Dan & Tom’ night (if it’s two guys)… You get my drift – personalize it, have a codeword. Be present and kind with each other. Whether it’s naked Scrabble in front of the fire, a hike, dinner, visiting a museum, reading to each other, partner yoga, a salsa class… BE together.
I offer sex therapy services to people in Marin County and the San Francisco Bay Area, nationally & internationally, via Skype.
I’m not going to try and talk one of you into wanting sex, or the other out of wanting sex. I can help you figure out how your predicament makes sense and where to go from there. Contact me