–Hormones & IVF wreak emotional havoc on a woman’s feelings and perceptions of things
-Life is challenging for her and her partner when she feels emotionally dysregulated & vulnerable
–Sex on command can become the norm when trying to conceive. All the romance is gone and pleasure doesn’t play a big role. The man can feel used and the woman goal focused and grasping. Connection can get lost, thus setting the stage for future difficulties if it is not regained.
To remedy this:
+It’s important to keep the focus on the relationship. This will be the loving container in which the much-hoped-for child will be raised.
+The non-pregnant spouse needs to pitch in with diapers and middle of the night feedings when possible, but also needs to bring flowers and write love notes. Becoming a father does not mean he/she forgets to be a loving spouse.
+Body image can take a hit before and after childbirth. Tell the mother that she is beautiful and desirable,… and make her feel it. That support will go a long way towards supporting the relationship. And read this: https://theshapeofamother.com/
*Tip couples are often not informed of: assuming a heterosexual couple, in missionary [position. It helps if the man ejaculates first, thus creating the “seminal pool” (really, that’s what it’s called. The one with the diving board.) Then the woman orgasms, thus causing her cervix to expand and dip into the seminal pool, sucking up swimmers/semen who will race to fertilize the egg. This choreography ensures there’ll be semen present for the cervix to capture during her orgasm. It’s a well-kept secret but it shouldn’t be. I’m shocked by how many of my clients struggling with infertility tell me they were not aware of this.
After babies, the French approach:
In France, where I come from, right after a woman gives birth she gets a prescription for physical therapy to help her body heal and strengthen her pelvic floor, thus reducing pain and incontinence, and increasing sexual pleasure. HuffPo article It is that focus on pleasure that can be had, that inalienable right, that I bring to my work with mothers.
Is there sex after parenthood? If you’re like a lot of parents, it can be especially challenging for those with young children to keep the romance alive. You’re so busy all the time, and the kids are so demanding and exhausting, and you hardly have any energy left for each other.
Maybe you have a long laundry list of resentments that have been building and haven’t been resolved. Even if you had a strong marriage before kids, having children can create new problems in your relationship that you had never anticipated. It happens.
I’ve been there.
A strong parental relationship is a safe container within which kids can thrive. It’s a gift to them, not just you & your partner. Contact me.
I offer sex therapy services to people in Marin County and the San Francisco Bay Area, and internationally, via Skype & phone.