Desire Discrepancy – that’s psychobabble for when one person wants sex more than the other – know anyone like that? It’s actually the case in most relationships. It can cause problems if partners get triggered by it. The high desire partner (that’s psychobabble for The One Who Wants More Sex Than The Other) can take the rejection personally. The low desire partner (in other words, The One Who Wants Less Sex Than Their Partner) can feel pressured, used, like they can’t keep up.
Someone can be the high desire partner in one relationship, and the low desire partner in another. The difference is contingent on the dynamics of each relationship.
You can have sex without desire – it’s called a mercy fuck (no offense). Desire is not the same as arousal.
Arguments about the frequency of sex often stem from differences in arousal and in satisfaction during sex.
It’s important to remember that nobody is broken, nobody is wrong, nobody needs to be fixed. We need to start by figuring out how the difficulties you’re having make sense, because it always makes perfect sense. I’m not going to try and talk anyone out of their preference.
I offer sex therapy services to people in Marin County and the San Francisco Bay Area from my San Rafael office. If you live farther afield, I also work via Skype or phone.
Don’t let disparate desires cause distance in your relationship. Let’s work together to fix that. I can help. Contact me