The Attacker, Defender, Pursuer or Withdrawer – which are you? Dr Six is quoted in Martha Stewart Weddings:
If your first inclination in an argument is to start pointing fingers and listing out reasons why the other person is wrong, your argument style is to attack. “‘You always’ and ‘you never‘ are popular sentence beginnings, followed by whatever fault the other person may find in you,” says Claudia Six, Ph.D., a relationship coach and author. The trouble with this approach, Dr. Six explains, is that it’s just not helpful. “You may get some things off your chest, but all you’re doing is giving the other person information about yourself-they’re not going to hear you as giving them information about them and how it’s a problem,” she says. “A more effective approach would be to drop into your feelings and express those, preferably with some degree of vulnerability.” No one can argue against how you’re feeling, but they can argue against an attack you make about their character or actions.