While there are benefits to being in a long-distance relationship, like the ability to have dominion over your home and personal space, one challenge is maintaining your sex life when you and your partner are apart. Long-distance relationships present challenges, and opportunities for creativity, especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. Short of getting your hands on your lover, here are a few ideas to spice your sex life and keep sexual pleasure moving between you. As a clinical sexologist, I can assure you that there are numerous ways to remain sexually close and connected to your beloved despite a long-distance relationship.
How do I feel sexy in a long-distance relationship?
Send flirtatious emails or texts throughout the day. There’s nothing like getting a sexy love note in the middle of your business meeting to keep things juicy until you get to talk to your love. Start slow and build; don’t just jump into the graphic stuff. Be descriptive. Paint a picture, use adjectives. Describe things you’d like to do to your long-distance lover.
Texting also offers the option of sending sexy photos or videos. Tastefully, or not so tastefully, photographed parts of your body, a barely concealed breast, the suggestion of a body part your lover favors or a ubiquitous dick pic will do the trick in a long-distance relationship.
You can do this via phone too. Phone sex can actually increase romance because, without visuals, you are completely reliant on the tone of voice and word choices to set the mood and turn each other on. Do the dirty talk. Start a role play on the phone. Your moans and breathy suggestions have that much more power to bump up the sexual energy between the two of you through phone sex.
You could even leave a voicemail with a recording of the sounds you made when you last orgasmed solo.
Since you can’t be seen in phone sex there’s less self-consciousness. Body image issues that may have plagued you during in-person sex need not interfere with your pleasure. You can be uninhibited, which is super sexy.
Reminisce about sexy moments from the past. Peak sexual experiences can be repurposed and you can enjoy them all over again in a new setting. Fantasize about the future. What are some things you’d like to try and experiment with? Being creative with possibilities removes the risk of sexual boredom.
Have fun talking about the sex toys you want to try together, shop for sex toys online together so that you can look forward to that sex toy arriving on your doorstep. Show each other how you’re using the new toys. There are also remote-controlled sex toys that let you take control of your partner’s pleasure. That sure opens up possibilities of long-distance sex. Imagine your favorite vibrator, except instead of you controlling the buttons, the toy is synced to an app on your partner’s phone. From there, they can control the speed, intensity, or functions of your vibe and surprise you with their sexy selections. Obviously, you need consent about time and place on this phone sex app.
Make it a date, on Facetime sex, or some other long-distance sex toys. Plan to spend the time together as you would if you were in the same town. Get a tripod, use a laptop, or prop your phone up on some pillows. This will free up your hands for more important things. Have a drink together, set the mood, light some candles, or plugin the lava lamp. Get comfy, lock the door. Turn on Barry White. Create a special playlist. You can listen to it again later when you’re alone and reminisce that long-distance sex.
One of you can be dominant and tell the other to undress, specifically which items of clothing to remove. And how slowly. Some couples like to get things going with strip poker.
Masturbate together on FaceTime or put each other on speakerphone so you can hear yourselves enjoying the full experience even if you’re separated by hundreds of miles. It has been my experience as a relationship coach that people way underestimate how sexy it is to witness your lover masturbating. This activity has been relegated to the forbidden or taboo, only to be undertaken when your mate is not available, but it is not so. It is a huge turn-on. If you haven’t yet, I highly recommend that you try mutual masturbation. People sometimes balk at the idea but are glad they open up to it for long-distance sex.
Share porn scenes you both like. Watch sex video ‘together’, give each other feedback on what you like most about your favorite scenes. Tell each other who you fantasize about being in the sex video you’re watching. Giver, receiver, observer? And why? Or don’t talk at all and get your hands involved.
Surprise your partner by leaving a pair of underwear, an item of clothing that has your perfume on it, or a dirty love note at their place when you next visit. That way, they can enjoy your company even in your absence as if you were in the same room.
Written Love Letter
This is old-fashioned, but you could snail mail a handwritten love letter as another way of letting your lover know you’re thinking about them. It’s so romantic and personal. The sexy surprises can boost romance and libido in your intimate moments.
As a primarily online sex therapist, sex and relationship coach, I sometimes help couples address low libido issues that can crop up in challenging situations such as long-distance relationships. Low libido in men can be due to couple communication issues or infidelity preoccupations, while low libido in women can arise from arousal concerns due to lack of actual touch from a mate. And vice versa. Couples’ sex therapy alleviates this. Long-distance relationship is not just for single people. Sometimes one or the other spouse chooses to take a job in another city for economic imperatives and marriage sex therapy offers the support that ensures survival and success of your sex life.
My book, Erotic Integrity https://drsix.net/erotic-integrity-book/ can help you add another layer of depth to your encounters by having you examine whether you are being authentic sexually. A long-distance relationship doesn’t mean you need to engage in sexual intimacy that is not a fit for you. Erotic integrity counseling offers an exploration into who you are as a sexual being, whether you own that about yourself, and how you can express that in a way that works for you.
Last but not least, remember to not just focus on the sex. Bonding and emotional connection are critical to strong sex life. Remember to share your dreams, thoughts, feelings, ideas, excitement about the future, and what you love about your beloved beyond their juicy parts.