I got married in 2010. We wrote our vows separately and surprised each other with them. I had been jotting things down over a period of months, and one thing kept coming up for me: my beloved has zero tolerance for being made wrong. It just doesn’t work for us. The first thing that I committed to Read More
Archives for September 2010
Don’t make him wrong!
Here’s a biggie: making a man wrong is a lose. Cumulatively, it whittles away at his sense of manhood and empowerment. It’ll make him angry and cause him to withdraw. You may have noticed. Don’t make him wrong. Period. Give it up.
Positive Sandwich
When giving a man feedback, give him the ‘positive sandwich’: you start with a positive (“I love how you…”), give him the constructive criticism (“And it would make me even happier if…”), and end with a positive (“You’re such a wonderful…(lover, cook, father, planner)”).
Men have a single-focus brain
When you want to talk to a man, pick an opportune time, a time that will set you both up for success. Men’s brains are single‐focused ‐ in other words, they’re best‐suited to only focusing on one thing at a time. Women tend to have multi‐tasking brains. Again, neither is better; it’s just different, and serves different purposes. Read More
Thank him: it’s a win
When you thank him, that’s a win for him, and he will want to do what pleases you again, so that you are pleased again. Never underestimate the impact of praising and thanking a man, with a smile and direct eye contact, whether it’s your mate, a busboy in a restaurant, the guy helping you at the Read More
Thank him: up one side and down the other
Here’s another important piece: when a man does something that pleases you…thank him! Several times. Thank him in the moment, and be specific about what pleased you (it made you feel cared for, it helped you somehow…). And thank him again later, in an unrelated moment: “Remember when you complimented me on my outfit? That made me feel Read More