Infidelity is a problem, not a solution. Sometimes people want to see me because they’re afraid they may stray because they’re unhappy, or because they have been unfaithful and aren’t sure where to go from there. Sometimes the one who has been cheated on has found out (e-mail and the Internet are very instrumental in this) and is trying to figure out whether to stay in the relationship or leave. There’s a lot to consider in asking that question.
First of all, let’s be clear: It hurts! It just hurts! Everybody hurts deeply—the one who feels betrayed as well as the one who strayed. But there is a way to heal from infidelity, for both of you.
Trust has to be rebuilt, if possible. Forgiveness can come, if you first give yourself permission not to forgive. And if and when you do forgive, it needs to be from the best in yourself, not because you want to preserve the relationship at any cost.
So after an affair, I invite you to be scrupulously honest with yourself and choose growth, however hurt you may feel. Give yourself that gift, and don’t have it be contingent on your partner’s participation.
I offer sex therapy services to people in Marin County and the San Francisco Bay Area from my San Rafael office. I also offer phone or Skype consulting.
You are not alone. Think you might want to work with me? The first step is to make sure we’re a good fit. Contact me