When you want to talk to a man, pick an opportune time, a time that will set you both up for success. Men’s brains are single‐focused ‐ in other words, they’re best‐suited to only focusing on one thing at a time. Women tend to have multi‐tasking brains. Again, neither is better; it’s just different, and serves different purposes. So if you want to approach him to discuss something, don’t do it when he’s focused on something else. When he’s watching a football game on TV, fixing the car, doing e‐mail, helping little Johnny assemble his new toy…he’s not available. And he won’t be able to give you his undivided attention, which is what you want, right? He may grunt in response, and you assume that he has heard and understood you. Later you wonder why he doesn’t remember. He genuinely doesn’t. Pick a time when he can focus on you. Catch him in between tasks. You might even want to ask if it’s a good time to discuss what color to paint the den, plan his mother’s birthday party, RSVP to a dinner invitation…
Men generally thrive on wins; they need a lot of them. It’s not at all that they’re frail creatures who need to be pumped up; it’s how they’re put together. And there’s great value in it. When a man is happy at work, feels effective, get successes, that’s a win. Each new client, each sale, each happy customer, each time his supervisor praises him, he’s a winner. It’s similar in relationships.
When you set a man up to win, it doesn’t mean that you lose. On the contrary. When you can increase a man’s sense of his manhood (and I’m not just talking about sex here) (but that too), his self‐esteem blossoms, he feels empowered, and better able to get the ‘win’. Men have binary brains: every situation is either a win or a lose. It’s not wrong. It’s just one of the ways that men are not women.
John Gray has just published his 17th book. He and I agree about men wanting to make women happy, especially when women appreciate and thank them. We also agree that women benefit from giving men opportunities to be successful. ‘Set him up to win’, is how I describe it.
He is not available for counseling sessions, but if you like his material, I know a few things too. And I am available. 🙂